My Dad

I wanted to share a little about my wonderful dad. First, some awesome pictures.

My mom and dad in 1965. Aren't they hot stuff?! My mom has had some seriously wicked hairstyles in her lifetime, but that is another post entirely.

Holding my older brother Jeff. Good looking much?

In a kiss sandwich with me and Suz

Being silly with Sam. He has to be the funnest grandpa out there.

My dad has showed Jake support many, many times by coming to school concerts, church talks, and by helping him build the winning Rain Gutter Regatta boat and an unbelievably sleek Pinewood Derby car for Scouts. (Where are those pictures?) I can't honestly be more grateful for how he has been there for him.

Always doing fun things with the family. He LOVES those grandkids.

It is such a privilege to have my dad as my father. He has a beautiful testimony of our Savior and shares it. He is brilliant. He has such a generous heart and he has blessed so many in so many ways. He loves his family and is committed to his family. He always wanted to give his family the very best and has. He has taught me about integrity and that living a righteous life is what brings the greatest joy possible. He has loved my son like he was his father and was a constant companion for him for so many years. He bonded with him in a way that even his own father didn't. He gave him so many hours of his time, of his life. He taught him about science, math, life, being a strong person, and being there for those you love.

I am so thankful for a dad who blessed me with so many amazing opportunities in my life that have broadened me so much, and that he saw the importance of family vacations. We have made some amazing memories that way. A dad like this is priceless and precious beyond words. A dad like this is loved beyond words to describe. Thank you Dad, for everything.

It is hard to post about this, but if you would say a prayer for my dad, I would really appreciate it. He starts two medications tomorrow for the multiple myeloma he was diagnosed with this fall. One of the drugs he will be taking is a chemo drug, and one is a very high dose steroid. We are very worried about how the side effects will affect him. I am grateful for the advancements in medicine that will hopefully help him fight this thing hard and have many good years left.

Does This Zit Make My Butt Look Big?

I promise I will stop dedicating posts to Nie so you do not tire of them. But I was going to email Stephanie a long email in response to this post and decided I wanted to say it here since it describes a big part of my life right now. I know it is long and I hope it is not too depressing. It is real, and hard, but I am so blessed too.

Stephanie, You are as beautiful as anyone can be. You are the most remarkable person and so lovely inside and out. Seriously, the inner beauty that you contain could not compare to model beauty - they are tiny smurfs in comparison to your giant beauty.

I relate to this particular struggle, because I have a chronic illness (Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue and Immune Dysfunction) that has taken my looks and thrown them against the pavement with a splat. I have huge cystic acne that takes forever to heal, I have gained 100 pounds, I am pale and my eyes are sunken in with dark circles under them that never go away. I could go on, and yes, I know it could be much worse, and this may seem very petty and dumb in comparison, but it has been so hard to lose the sense of identity I had tied to my looks.

I feel so much worse when I exercise that I can't handle it, even though I used to love it - so I can't seem to make a dent in the weight, even on a grain-free, hardly any natural sweetener diet. So many systems in my body have gone haywire, including my thyroid and adrenal glands and I know they play a part in that.

I have also lost some of the things I could do that I tied my identity to, at least for now. I haven't accomplished the things I have wanted to in life. I guess the Lord has a much different plan for me. It is difficult when many days, all I can do is go from the bed, getting up to go to the bathroom no less than 1,000 times, to the computer so I can sit up for a while and be awake, to the couch and then back to bed with my greasy hair slathered to my head, in my pajamas and hope that no one looks too closely when I pick Jake up from school because I look like a scary mcfright show. But I try to remember who I am on the inside. I know I put too much stock in what others think of me and my weight gain (when I do actually use the energy it takes to shower and go out in the world). It makes me hide from the world. But not you. You are courageous in the face of losing the easy movement in your skin, the worldly beauty that you knew before. You are courageous, even though you look different than you did, and different to the world. You are beautiful beyond compare.

Love emanates from you. God's love. Pure love. Thank you for sharing your beautiful self with all of us. You inspire me daily to forget the things that don't matter and focus on the things that do. Thank you, above all, for reminding me of Christ's love.

Since Today Is My Birthday...

And I am turning 37 (ACK! Where has all the time gone!?)...

I decided to share 37 Random Facts About Me

1. I think it would be awesome to learn to fly an airplane.
2. I have been parasailing and loved it!
3. I would really love to go hang gliding.
4. Bungee jumping doesn’t appeal to me because I think it would yank my back completely out of whack and I would hurt.
5. For one whole summer, I wouldn’t (or would only rarely) swim in our pool when I was younger because of all the snot I always saw people wipe from their noses.
6. I thought it was cool when my cousin Camille plugged her nose when she swam, so I did too, and now I ‘have’ to plug my nose.
7. I absolutely LOVE L-O-V-E LOVE riding on a boat, in the front with the wind in my hair.
8. I love wind.
9. I would really, really like to prove to myself that I can make money at a great job that was meaningful to me.
10. I would REALLY like to feel up to doing more than lying in bed all day every day. REALLY.
11. I love heat. When I was in High School, I had a heater in my room and knew how to use it! I think I probably kept it at about 75º in there.
12. I love sunshine and spring and summer and dislike fall and winter.
13. I don’t like mushrooms. All I can think about is that they’re fungus.
14. Sometimes I eat cinnamon straight out of the spice jar.
15. I think hairspray is icky. I don’t like the smell. I don’t like the feel of it in my hair. And I really can’t stand the feeling that it is on me anywhere, and it feels like that once you spray it on your hair, because that stuff goes everywhere.
16. My favorite meal in college was Special K cereal. But that was also when I really got into learning to like vegetables.
17. I don’t like chocolate. Well... not that much.
18. I like chocolate chip cookies, but pick out some of the chocolate chips. Ok –I’d pick them all out if I could.
19. I don't really like candy.
20. I do (unfortunately) like baked goods and bread.
21. I think carrot cake (without raisins or nuts) is way better than chocolate or vanilla cake.
22. I don’t tolerate a lot of noise very well.
23. I feel things extremely deeply.
24. Life would be a lot easier if I didn’t.
25. I read constantly. I often have a novel, a self-help or health-type book, and something else like a church magazine going at one time. I can’t focus well on the non-fiction, but I like to learn that stuff so I try. I have to have a good novel going at all times.
26. I am very interested in alternative medicine.
27. I really like things to be pretty and am very aesthetically-minded. Ie: cool fonts, pretty paper, my surroundings, clothes, etc.
28. I’m kind of scared of people.
29. I like words. I LOVE word games. One of my top favorites is where you make as many words as you can out of another word.
30. I write to people better than I talk to them.
31. I wish I had more kids. Like 4 altogether.
32. But I would need MUCH better health.
33. I love water. It is the only thing I really like to drink.
34. I think the voice is the best musical instrument. (not mine)
35. I like to travel and see different places. I even like to be in different cities that are near to me just to be there and see what they are like.
36. I like natural foods and rarely eat refined sugar. I try not to eat processed stuff.
37. I don’t eat or drink dairy, except for cheese, which I seem to tolerate just fine.

Me in 1974 (age 2) with Jeff

A Short Update

I've been called out! I just HAD to come post! No, really I am glad that Jana called me out and made me think that someone actually cares what I post! And now she can't steal back the ADORABLE turtle scrapbook paper she got me. (Thanks for that Jana - you rock!!) I need to keep up better. I have actually gotten a little online job. It is a fun one where I get to work with a great lady selling fabric and sewing supplies! It has been really great to learn new things. It has been keeping me busy, and I just haven't had the mental energy to post here. Know what I get in return for my work? FABRIC! And sewing notions!!! Pretty fun huh?

Of course this has its disadvantages as well as its advantages. It gives me more inspiration and even more ideas floating around in my head just begging to be made!! I wish I was a super fast sewer with tons of energy, who just turned things out daily - maybe then I could keep up with my mental sewing! Looking at fabric all day just gets me drooling over it more, but I am hopefully building up a little resistance! So there's an update. I will try to post more soon. Jake is having a great summer so far.

Update in Pictures

So, apparently I don't do real well without this:

My gamma globulin shot. It has become very hard to get at the moment. For the last few weeks, I have been feeling very much like this:

Humpty Dumpty after the fall.

Thanks for bearing with me. I did get some gamma globulin now but don't know when I will be able to get it again so I'm trying to take it sparingly.

Last week, I did get to enjoy this:

Jake's percussion concert. They got to play on garbage cans, which was pretty dang cool. And those are his best buds on either side. Mitch and Forest.

Jake is having so much fun learning drums in his percussion class. He is doing fantastic, even though he has only been in there since January and all the other kids have been in there since the beginning of the school year. He picked it up so fast.

Forgive me while I take a moment here to ponder Jake's cuteness.

Thank you for coming Grams, Pa and Suz!! And thank you Grams for matching that sign (that is pointing to Jake's head) so well.

Hmm... who's butt is higher? Let's just call him Jakey-longlegs.

I also got to enjoy this:

Jake's General Music Choral Concert. I hate to say it but I was not looking forward to this one. (Part of that was that Jake wasn't excited about it or the least bit proud of it. He thought they all could have sung much louder and better, which I think is kind of funny for some reason.) I ended up enjoying it thoroughly though! It was fun to see all the kids that age and their interactions, what they wore, etc. I am ending up really liking this age that Jake is right now. I completely dreaded it, but he is doing well and I really like watching him go through his junior high experience so far.

What is it about when someone tells you what to do?

I have been really good with my eating for about a week. I've been trying to eat actual food during the day. Yeah, I know novel idea huh? No Power Bars, Balance Bars, etc. Just actual meals. When I have no energy at all, this is a lot harder than it seems! I love when I make a big meal that I can eat for a few days. I'm not that picky. My sister in law gives me leftovers too, which totally rocks. And other times, there's nothing to be found. Anywhere. So I just wait until I have energy to make something. And sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesn't. Poor Jake. Problem is, he doesn't like anything I make, unless it is pasta. So, a can of soup or spaghetti for him. I do have oatmeal for breakfast usually so that lasts for a while.

But then I get starved by about 9:00 at night, and I want to eat everything. Is that a good plan for my body? No. So, I am trying to remember just to eat real food during the day. It was going quite well and I didn't feel like eating junk at night. Then, today, while I was lying there fat flat on the table, getting a massage today (the only thing that makes my muscles relinquish their vise grip) the guy starts going on and on about how I need to watch my carbs and that bread is only carbs, and especially watch my fat intake, and I shouldn't eat sugar, etc. (This guy also once went on and on about how I need to exercise. I know. I used to exercise all the time. I loved exercise. It made me happy. It makes me very unhappy that if I do it now, I am even more unable to get out of bed than usual. It does not help to tell me these things. I would give my right elbow to be able to go on a nice jog and not have it make me want to die. But I suppose you can't understand these things unless you have been there. And I hope you don't have to come here.)

So, guess what I did tonight? Came home and scarfed down a half bag of these puppies and ate a cookie. And this is on top of the fattening and delicious pizza my mom got for us at her house. Is it just me or would it be common courtesy to note that it takes a lot of courage to get my half-naked body up on that massage table when I am not even real comfortable with myself in clothes? Dude. You think I don't know all that??? I used to eat really healthy. Grrr. Something truly went awry in my body and I just crave stuff like crazy. Even when I eat real food. It drives me up the wall. I am trying. so. hard. I will be eating some junk for Christmas. So, family, don't expect me to be a saint. But hopefully I can make some progress after that. It feels like no matter what I do though, (I really am good sometimes) my body either just stays the same or gets bigger. Like the fat just wants to stay, like a rude and unwanted houseguest who will never leave.

When you're so tired...

This is my take on my theme song for my life (Kara's idea) and also kinda sorta blatantly copying Tiff's post today. :D It isn't really my theme song for my whole life but it does describe the last 14 years of being sick.

Some of the lyrics in this song are just perfect. I've been singing "When you feel so tired but you can't sleep" line for the last 2 weeks. If you want, you can click on my playlist over there <- and play the songs while you read the lyrics (unless you already know them by heart like me.) Once you click on it, you can scroll around to pick a song.

Fix You

by Coldplay

When you try your best, but you don't succeed

When you get what you want, but not what you need

When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep

Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face

When you lose something you can't replace

When you love someone but it goes to waste

Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you

When high up above or down below

When you're too in love to let it go

But if you never try you'll never know

Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face

When you lose something you cannot replace

Tears stream down your face

And I...

Tears stream down your face

I promise you I will learn from my mistakes

Tears stream down your face

And I...

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you

And on a more positive note, I feel so very blessed in many ways in my life. I love this song by Sarah McLachlan. I like how it helps me remember that there are so many little miracles going on around me every day. Life is beautiful and a gift. I can wish and hope and pray for better health to enjoy it, but the truth is, I am very blessed in many ways, and I am so grateful.

Ordinary Miracle

It’s not that unusual

When everything is beautiful

It’s just another ordinary miracle today.

The sky knows when it’s time to snow,

Don’t need to teach a seed to grow,

It’s just another ordinary miracle today.

Life is like a gift they say

Wrapped up for you every day

Open up and find a way

To give some of your own love.

Isn’t it remarkable?

Like every time a raindrop falls

It’s just another ordinary miracle today.

Birds are meant to have their flame

They always make it home on spring

It’s just another ordinary miracle today.

When you wake up everyday

Please don’t throw your dreams away

Hold them close to your heart

‘Cause we are all a part of the ordinary miracle

Ordinary miracle,

Do you want to see a miracle?

It seems so exceptional

That things just work out after all

It’s just another ordinary miracle today.

The sun comes up and shines so bright

And disappears again at night

It’s just another ordinary miracle today.

It’s just another ordinary miracle today.

I HEART....

(in no particular order)

garlic bread - I am on a kick lately where I crave it!

peace and quiet

sleep

sewing

books, books, and more books

my son

my nieces and nephews

arty/crafty things

pretty objects or sights

laughing

kind people

support

my home

my craft room

sunshine and warmth

the internet

the gospel

the scriptures

my blog friends and other friends

Have you ever not been able to sleep an ENTIRE night? I remember when I was in high school and it was the end of a term, a friend and I would stay up all night and do 2-3 book reports in one night. Did I grow attached to that bleary-eyed, strung out, zombie feeling? Is that why my body just refuses to sleep sometimes? About 68% of nights, I can't fall asleep at a normal time, but I do fall asleep eventually - whether it is 3 am or 5 am... I do fall asleep. This is actually better than it used to be. The 30% of nights that I do fall asleep and it isn't too difficult, are just delicious. But every once in a while, (last night) one of these nights will pop up and I lie there and then try all the tricks in the book, and then lie there again..... and nothing. My sleep buttons are all turned off. Sometimes I don't even mind being awake at night. It is wonderfully quiet and free of interruptions. Sometimes I even get a little energy at night and that is when I can get some things done -usually even better than I can in the daytime. But when you are so exhausted that you can barely stand up, yet you can't do the one thing your body is craving more than anything...fall asleep. What's up with that?!

I am off to bed soon... maybe tonight will at be least one of the 68%!

Cute Guys

So, I just watched this movie that has been aging on my dvr for a good long while. It was called Jack and Jill vs. the World. It had Freddie Prinze Jr. in it and he can be so cute. I really liked him (well, except for the smoking) in this. So I got to thinking about the cute guys in the world. This may sound stupid, but I kind of get where I think there ARE no cute guys in the world, so this is actually refreshing! :) So, since I'm single, and I can... here are a bunch of cuties for your viewing pleasure.

First and foremost is Tom Hanks of course - I love him!

I can't resist the classic good looks of Cary Grant!the yummy Matthew Goode
Ahh James Tupper -so cute. I love his personality, or at least the personalities of the guys he plays.

Dale Midkiff - I've just seen him in Hallmark movies, but he seems like a great guy and he is really appealing in those Hallmark shows! :D

the cute and charming Freddie Prinze Jr.

Mika

Dermot Mulroney

I just love a kind smile, a good heart, strength of character, a good sense of humor, distinguished good looks, curly/wavy hair... So what makes a guy appealing to you? Please share!