Monday, August 24, 2009

I'm Not Ready

for Jake to go back to school. It just doesn't seem like it is time. It has been so fun to just relax with him and watch a show together or play games. Summer went by too fast and now he has to sit through 7 hours of school and come home and we have to deal with 1-3 hours of agonizing homework. It just doesn't sound fun to me. Jake gets stressed ->which slows him way down at getting anything done -> which makes me stressed because I want him to get to bed at a decent hour -> which makes him more stressed -> see the pattern? He is a smart kid and does really well in school. There is just this big obstacle for him when it comes to doing his homework, and I think it happens at school too. He freaks out inside and it slows him down. Way down. It is weird to me with him because he is such a wonderfully capable person, and this doesn't show up with anything but schoolwork.

A half hour of homework can take up to 2 hours. No joke. I end up going upstairs to cool off just because the whole process is so dang frustrating.

SO... do I just take myself out of it? Just say calmly and reasonably that it is homework time and to start. Try not to be bothered when he is not doing it for 3/4 of the time or when he is sitting there staring off for 30 minutes between each math problem. Just let it go? Would that help him to take charge of it? He does care how well he does. But also gives up and just wouldn't turn something in if he thinks it is too much. And once that happens, he starts to feel behind and buried and the stress gets bigger. And there are also times where he legitimately needs my help. And then drama and trauma ensues. Why is it so hard? Do I just keep at it, trying to stay balanced between being patient and keeping him on task? What do I do when I am just not up to dealing with it all?? I guess just let him figure it out for himself. Or call Gram, or Anne.

If that doesn't work, can he come live with you during the school year?

It is funny - when he does homework with Anne (who does tutoring), he gets a ton done in a short time. AAAAAAAAAGGH what am I doing wrong?? Is it just a mom/son thing? If you have any ideas, please let me know. On the other hand, he thoroughly loves and needs the friends and social aspect of school and this gets even stronger as he gets older. He is a people person and it drives part of him a little crazy to be stuck home alone with just the two of us all the time. (Although he needs his down time too.) He thrives on being with people. I just need to somehow pull my head out of it and not stress when he is stressed so homework can go a little more smoothly for us.

Sorry this is so dang long. I even cut some out! And this format makes it seem even longer. Thanks for sticking with me, if you did.

7 comments:

Kathi said...

I know you've looked at it from every angle and tried everything, so I don't have any suggestions. It is lucky he's a good student. And such a good kid!!

Jana said...

My only suggestion is maybe talking to Anne and see what his tendensies are when she is with him. And maybe some staying on point ideas.

I really have no idea since I don't have kids and school was too long ago to recall. I just remember not doing my homework instead of stressing out over it! lol

JoAnna said...

Ugh! That is so frustrating! I''m so sorry for both you and Jake. Life is hard, isn't it?

My only suggestion is stress management techniques for Jake. They work wonders for adults, why not for pre-teens?? That should be a class they teach in jr and high school. Anyway, maybe it's worth looking into. I've been thinking about looking into it for Sam lately...

Sara said...

oh man! I'm so sorry. I can totally relate to Jake...when I'm stressed, I just put stuff off and waste time. I try to pretend like it isn't even there, and then it gets worse and worse. school is hard.
You're a good mom.

Andrea W. said...

OH Natalie I so relate to this post. First of all I was NOT ready to send kids back to school, I feel like it happened a month too soon. Secondly, Jake sounds a LOT like my oldest daughter. The whole stress = overwhelmed and do anything but what you really need to do cycle. Let me know if you figure it out!

annie valentine said...

Great post, something that I'm already worried about and Harry's only in first grade. It is so hard to be a kid these days. I didn't have homework until I hit high school, and even then I'd usually do it AT school before or after. I'd say pray about it. Have him pray about it. That seems to always help us out.

ohhbetsy said...

Natalie, you are such an amazing mom. It probably is hard because of the mom/son relationship. I don't even know how to give advice but keep trying and I think that eventually you guys will find something that works. Maybe you could talk to him and see what he thinks and if he has any suggestions.